On this season of "Married at First Sight," 30-yr-erstwhile Deonna McNeill explains to her x-year relationship gap to her new husband, Gregory Okotie, past using a term you may not be familiar with.

"I oasis't been in relationships, but I've been in situationships," she says.

Less than a relationship, but more than a casual meet or booty call, a situationship refers to a romantic human relationship that is, and remains, undefined.

"A situationship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship," explains psychotherapist and author Jonathan Alpert. "Different a friends with benefits or relationship, at that place isn't consensus on what it is."

Why is this becoming a tendency now? "Culturally, our expectations of relationships has changed; people are getting married later in life, and many people are eager to explore relationships in a less structured way without pressure to commit, every bit they prioritize self-knowledge and developing as individuals," says Saba Harouni Lurie, a licensed union and family unit therapist practicing in California.

A situationship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship.

On the one paw, removing the pressure level of putting parameters on what the relationship is and isn't tin can be freeing – equally long equally both parties are okay with leaving things open up. On the flip side, not knowing where you stand up can be detrimental, peculiarly if ane party wants more of a commitment. "This vagueness often leads one person to feel uncertainty, anxiety, frustration, resentment, helpless and sometimes even depressed," Alpert says.

The pros and cons of situationships

You've met someone new, and things seem to exist going well. Only even though you're only a few dates in, wondering where this is all going is keeping you up at nighttime. It'southward a mutual problem — one that Travis McNulty, a therapist practicing in Florida, says a situationship can actually help alleviate. "The bulk of my clients (and people in general) get fixated on a new relationship equally the focal indicate of their lives," he explains. "This raises the stakes leading to many sleepless nights and undue pressure level."

Taking that looming question off the table tin can assist you be more mindful about how you're actually feeling. "Situationships alleviate the traditional pressures associated with starting a relationship," says McNulty. "This alleviation of feet and expectations can help a couple abound closer without the guessing of where each partner is at."

While experts say situationships can have their temporary benefits, they can chop-chop move into harmful territory if i partner starts to want more. "When both people are not in sync on the nature of the situationship, anger and resentment tin can arise over time," says Carla Manly, a psychologist practicing in California. "This can manifest in toxic behaviors, such equally passive-aggressive deportment, anger outbursts and toxic communication."

Non to mention, moving on from a situationship tin consequence in unresolved feelings, since in that location's nothing to technically interruption off. And depending on how long this situationship lasted, having it end without it e'er amounting to any kind of commitment can exist difficult to process. "A deep sense of regret can come from spending your time — sometimes months or years — in a relationship that is stagnant," says Manly. "Many people lament having invested a great bargain of time, endeavor and even coin is situationships that proved to be fruitless."

Are you in a situationship? Look for the signs

In a friends with benefits scenario, desultory meetups are part of the landscape. But because of the lack of established parameters, Manly says situationships will by and large feel inconsistent and unstable. A few other signs include:

  • An absence of plans. Attempts to make plans in advance are usually met with an ambiguous response due to lack of delivery. Connections are often impromptu and based on having sexual activity or "hanging out." There may exist a sense that dates are opportunistic and due to ane or both partners not having anything else to do.
  • Conversations that tend to be superficial and often sexual in nature. Partners tin be in situationships for years without getting to really know each other beyond surface level conversations that pertain to their immediate gratification.
  • Yous haven't met their friends or family members. The relationship never evolves by the two of you spending time together sporadically and equally such, you're not factored into your partner'due south plans with friends or family.
  • In that location's no talk about what's next. Hereafter plans are not discussed because you may non exist a part of the other person's life long term. Attempts to proceeds clarity on where this might be going are met with ambiguity.

What to do if you're in a situationship

Oft, situationships start considering ane or both parties aren't sure whether or not they want annihilation more serious — or due to lack of improve options. "In some cases, it's only the pursuit, feeling alone, or otherwise 'filling a void' that stimulates an involvement in the human relationship," says Manly. Then before you do annihilation else, ask yourself honestly: Is this person someone you would really want to be in a committed human relationship with if it were an option?

If the person is truly someone y'all believe would be a wonderful romantic partner, Manly suggests having a serious, honest talk with the person nearly your desire for a commitment. "Gear up bated time to talk in a quiet place that is free of distractions," she says. "When you talk with the person, speak only and directly about how you experience and what you desire. For instance, 'I've been feeling confused almost where things stand with us. I definitely have stiff feelings for y'all and want to deepen our human relationship. Information technology's of import to me to know how you feel. I promise we can move forrad together.'"

And if the person isn't receptive to moving into more serious territory? Manly says to find opportunities to wait at this situationship every bit a learning experience. "It's of import to process the upwards sides and down sides of the situationship without arraign or judgment," she says. Were there red flags you ignored? Did you tend to settle throughout the situationship for less than yous wanted or needed? Excavation into these questions tin help inform what you lot want out of your side by side relationship — which volition help yous avoid falling into some other situationship that isn't serving you.

Proper noun that behavior...

  • Is someone 'orbiting' you on social media? It may be hurting your mental health
  • What is gaslighting? And how practice you lot know if information technology's happening to you?
  • What is 'cookie jarring'? And have yous been a victim of the dating tendency?
  • How to tell if you're a 'conversational narcissist'
  • Kittenfishing: The common dating trend you're probably (slightly) guilty of

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